The original poem is written in Filipino (or tagalog) and has been sitting on an old notepad for almost three years now. I remember writing this back in February 2008, on that fateful day that my gran – the one who loved and cared for me the most- died of heart attack. It was a sudden, painless death for her. And it was a day I would never forget...

In English.

The nurses walk to and fro,
One shouts…
And the other.
Their rantings and ramblings deafening,
Slowly killing the frenzied pumping of my chest.
The man in white, walking restlessly.
His sighs,
Somehow calming my cold soul at ease.

I love you. And I may have not shown it.
Thanks. I may not have said it.
I offer you wholeheartedly,
In the hands of the Great Creator.

I’m holding
Your seemingly frozen hands.
Your heart crying, slowing down bit by bit.
I am here.
I would never leave.
You close your eyes.
Sleep soundly.
Be free…

You will live in my memories, forever.

I love you.

In Filipino

Nagkakagulo ang mga nars,
Sigaw dito…
Sigaw doon.
Nakabibingi ang ulaw ng kanilang mga tinig,
na pumapaslang sa kabog ng aking dibdib.
Palakad-lakad yaong taong maputi,
Paroo’t parito, tuliro…
Ang kanyang buntung-hininga
Ang siyang humahakab sa malamig kong kalul’wa.

Mahal kita. Hindi ko man naipadama.
Salamat. Hindi ko man nasambit.
Buong puso kitang iniaalay,
Sa kamay ng Dakilang Lumikha.

Hawak ko,
Ang mala-yelong kamay mo.
Mahina na ang paghiyaw ng iyong lugmok na puso.
Nandirito lang ako.
Hindi kita iiwan.
Ipikit mo na ang iyong mga mata.
Humimbing.
Lumaya ka.

Mabubuhay ka sa aking alaala.
Mahal kita.

© CMN

————–

It has been countless months since the last time I heard their voice, saw their smiles, and shared their hugs. It is so long ago, and yet, I could still feel them near. Constantly watching, guiding, and shedding some divine light for me not to lose my way. When I am sad, I often close my eyes, and relive the memories, replaying my past piece by piece. No matter how long ago they are, they never fail to give me that kick, the kick that sets my eyes in tears.

After hearing a couple of deaths within the month, I realized how fragile life is. I pondered on how short life is. In my lifetime, I watched people come and go, I’ve gone through the hell of seeing someone you love and care about deeply leaving their mortal form and joining the Lord above.  After seeing my mother, father, and grandmom died, of all people, I should know how painful it s losing someone.

Yet again, life moves on. Trust that things happen for a reason. Those reasons may be hard to understand but it’s always God’s way of making us better and stronger people.

(To Tj, if you’re reading this. Be strong. God is good and He will never forsake you. Trust that it is His way of making you stronger. No matter what happens, I am just here.)

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