Forgive me
for failing you, for not listening to my heart,
and for giving you up.
Please understand that it was insanity taking the best of me.
Insanity that I have to endure
for being too alone,
after being away from you for far too long.

Forgive me
for changing you through the pain i caused.
It was me who should be blamed
for your coldness and apathy.

Forgive me
for destroying myself, for almost taking my life,
and for giving up.
It was my guilt and regrets gnawing at me
after realizing how much I lost,
how much I love you,
how much you make me happy,
and how much love I have taken for granted.

Forgive me
for rushing things and closing doors.
It was my desire to hurt you
after seeing happy smiles painted on her lips,
after seeing how close you held her,
knowing you won and I am holding on to the losing end.

Forgive me
for still loving you after all these years.
It is now me, being honest to myself.
It is me finally chasing that one thing,
one person who will make me happy.

Forgive me
for wanting something I never could have
and for expecting too much.
It was for misinterpreting
the way your kisses taste,
the way you held me close,
and the way you looked into my eyes, boring into my soul.

Forgive me
for refusing to let you go this time.
Please understand that I am tired
of listening to what people thinks is best for me;
and because I want to hold on
to what I FEEL is right.

Forgive me
for too much love and too much tenderness.
Trust me, I tried to hate you.
God knows how hard I did.
But just one smile, one look in your eyes,
all hatred fades away.

Forgive me
for this painful poetry.
This is the only way my heart can be free.
Free from pains, free from guilt
-even temporarily.

Forgive me
for going back to the day I first lost you.
It is my desire to self-destruct,
knowing that I won’t have you,
I won’t have the only thing that is real.
It is just my darker side swallowing the girl you used to know.

Forgive me,
I am sorry,
for this drama, for my lunacy.
I was made to love you, I know that,
although we are destined not to be together.

If one day, death takes me,
and fate decides on my doom.
It will be the day I would stop hoping,
stop trusting,
stop believing…
It would be the day I would stop loving you.

If that comes,
Please, forgive me…

© CMN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To a love I once found, taken for granted and lost – found again and lost once more…

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Comments
  1. renxkyoko says:

    I felt the sadness and pain. I’m sorry.

    Like

    • chaspalette says:

      It is becoming a 6-year struggle for me. But I will be fine.
      Thank you.

      Like

      • Ben Spur says:

        Awww, Cha. I’m so sorry. But please believe me, someday, maybe just around the next corner, will be a person who will make up for the pain you’ve suffered. Believe, it will happen.

        Like

      • chaspalette says:

        Thanks Ben,
        It would happen to me as it happened to others. I trust that it will. Right now I am starting to learn acceptance as it is a step towards happiness.
        He is a part of the past now, and I would always be thankful that it happened.

        Thanks for the convos and for being right there for me always.
        Huggles,
        Cha

        Like

  2. B says:

    this is so far, THE BEST BLOG POST ever to describe how I am feeling this past few years.
    you know what? I’m crying while reading this coz this is exactly what happened to me too.
    Found love, took it for granted, lost it, had the chance to feel it again and then lost it again. Shit. A tear just dropped on my keyboard. 😥

    I know we’re both sorry that we hurt them. I just hope we can press rewind and undo everything so we can correct every mistake we did. But we can’t. It’s just so hard to think that the one perfect thing that happened to your life is now gone and all you can do is hope for the day that he realize he still loves you. *hug

    We can do this dear.

    Love and kisses,
    B

    anyways, here is my share for this week’s rally:
    HIDING ME

    HAPPY RALLY!

    Like

    • chaspalette says:

      B,

      Thanks for dropping by. If life would allow me to go back to one day, I would go back to the day I first hurt him. Maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t, I would never have lost him.

      But regrets, they say, would eat you up when things are done. We cannot change it, we can just feel sorry about it. 😦

      One day, we both would move on.

      Thanks,
      Cha

      Like

  3. Jingle says:

    heartfelt words…
    you have conveyed your emotions vividly and beautifully..
    well done,

    I invite you to attend poets rally week 35, where you share your poetry and make new poetic friends…poetry awards are assigned upon completion.

    let me know when you are ready.
    Merry Christmas…
    Stay Blessed….

    Like

  4. Jingle says:

    click on my name, you will see agreement,

    your link is currently under WEEK 35 FRESH Poets to explore, you are not a participant until you come in, say yes to my questions, and leave your entry link …

    please read my post via this link…
    hope to see you in.
    Happy Sunday!

    Like

  5. Thea says:

    Aww, sweetie! What can I say but that I hope for the best for you. Too, take care that in your realization of self, you don’t miss opportunities for love to find you, perhaps by a different route…

    Lovely poem…

    Like

  6. Jingle says:

    Season’s Greetings!
    You are nominated, you win one vote, if you nominate other poets, you win another vote 4 yourself, in addition, voting helps you exposed to other poets and make new friends in our community. Hope to see you vote..
    Merry Christmas,
    Hope to See you at potluck week 16 tomorrow…
    We will have a break after week 16, and come back on week 18…
    Blessings!
    Your support means a world to us..
    xxx

    Like

  7. Angela says:

    So lovely, honest and heartbreaking. What a great read–it’s beautifully written.

    Like

  8. […] Forgive me: https://chaspalette.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/forgive-me/ […]

    Like

  9. Tweety says:

    sigh…love lost is such a terrible pain that changes and alters your soul…soul remains untouched by all physical elements except from the emotion of love…this was heart wrenching…i am going through this phase of my life my self…though a bit different, but i know what losing your love means…

    Like

    • chaspalette says:

      Love is indeed an overpowering emotion. In my case, I once had it, lost it, found it again, only to lose it once more. The thing is, the heart never got tired of loving, though I know that the possibility of relighting the fire is gone.

      I hope that you would get over the feeling soon. Trust that destiny had its reason of bringing you closer, and tearing you apart. Whatever that is, it is for your own good.

      Thanks for visiting, hun. Happy New Year!

      Love,
      Cha

      Like

  10. Desert Rose says:

    broke my heart, sadness is as pure as smiles and it touches hearts..felt this deep. wish he does forgive..

    Like

    • chaspalette says:

      Thank you, appreciate the visit.
      He did forgive me for the pains I caused him. And we went our separate ways. Nevertheless, I know that one day, things would all be okay for me.

      Happy New Year!

      Cha

      Like

  11. A formidable poem in its way. Of course, we will all die one day. I believe, however, that love resonate forever. Just me …

    Your very good. I’m enjoying your site.

    Warmest regards,
    Jamie Dedes

    Like

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