Archive for January, 2017

I started writing poetry in my mother tongue, eventually in english when I felt comfortable. I have written a lot in the past, and since blogging wasn’t a thing then, those pieces of paper where they were written got lost due to me constantly moving.

I have been checking old blogs and I saw these two poems I have written in Tagalog (or Filipino) when I was around 17. I am posting it here so that my Filipino readers can take a glimpse on the rawness of my writing.

Enjoy!

(1) E. R.
Nagkakagulo ang mga nars,
Sigaw dito…
Sigaw doon.

Nakabibingi ang ulaw ng kanilang mga tinig,
na pumapaslang sa kabog ng aking dibdib.
Palakad-lakad yaong taong maputi,
Paroo’t parito, tuliro…

Ang kanyang buntung-hininga
Ang siyang humahakab sa malamig kong kalul’wa.

Mahal kita. Hindi ko man naipadama.
Salamat. Hindi ko man nasambit.
Buong puso kitang iniaalay,
Sa kamay ng Dakilang Lumikha.

Hawak ko,
Ang mala-yelong kamay mo.
Mahina na ang paghiyaw ng iyong lugmok na puso.
Nandirito lang ako. Hindi kita iiwan.
Ipikit mo na ang iyong mga mata.
Humimbing.
Lumaya ka.

Mabubuhay ka sa aking alaala.
Mahal kita.

(2) Adik Sa Kape
Namulat ang mata sa nakabubulag na liwanag
Isang bagong umaga ang inahin sa aking hapag
Subalit ang lungkot ng kahapon at lamig ng gabi
Ay nakabakas pa din sa puso’t kalul’wa kong sawi

Isang tasang kape ang pumawi sa nadarmang kalungkutan
Ang init nito’y nanuot sa kasuluk-sulukan ng kalamnan
Pinawi ang lamig na nadrama ng kaluluwa
Animo’y naroon akong muli at kayakap ka

Ang bawat higop ay isang milya palapit sa iyo
Sapagkat bawat lagok ay katumbas ng apoy ng mga palad mo
At unti-unti’y nagbabalik ako sa hapong iyon kung kailan unang nadama
Ng puso kong hangal ang kakaibang pagsinta

Matamis… Tulad ng ating unang halik, unang yakap
Kung saan kakaibang ligaya ang aking nalasap
Ang sensasyong kakaiba na idinulot noon
Di kailanman mawawaglit lumipas man ang daangtaon

Mapait… Tulad ng mga luhang ibinuhos ko paglisan mo
Tulad ng pagsambit sa pangalan mo, at paghiyaw ng puso ko
Subalit sa kabila ng pait naroon ang pag-ibig na di mamamatay
Dumulog man ako sa kabilang buhay

Kasabay ng pagbalik ng ating mga alaala
Patuloy kitang gugunitain, aking sinta
Mauubos na ang kape sa aking tasa
Makapiling ka lamang, ako’y iinom pa ng isa

I only have one post for the entire year in this blog, specifically when I was able to recover this one and shut down all other locations where I am also writing so that I could focus more on here. I have a lot of blogs done in the past under different hosting pages but this one stuck to me, as this reflects everything I have felt and penned in a course of time. And so, as a promise to myself, I would be back to writing, and so shall I.

First let me go back a bit, I gave birth to a lovely daughter in 2014 and has been a working mom until July of 2016. Thus, I had less time to sit down, reflect, and write. My hands were full, I had less time for myself, but my heart swelled much bigger.In the two years that she is in our lives, I have understood how selfless, demanding, overwhelming and rewarding the job of a parent is. I even ended up setting aside personal objectives as well as personal hobbies as I had her at the top of my list.

July of this year, I have made a personal decision that I would say impacted me immensely. I left work to be a full time homemaker and mother. Half a year later, I still think it was on of  the best decisions I have made in my life. With less stress, I was able to gain more focus on caring for my family,  pick up on old hobbies, and learn a lot of things. The downside maybe the fact that I see my friends less often, but thanks to social media and I can always get in touch. I may have given up something other people my age would not easily do, but I guess, my heart and soul gained more than I lost.

This year changed my perspectives. I gained more love of self, more self worth. In my detachment from the “outside” world, I have seen who are those friends who would go out of their way to maintain friendships and keep me in their inner circles. I was able to identify who among my friends support me and who are just there for the fun times. Having the extra time also allowed me to be in contact with distant relatives whom I haven’t seen in a while and keep track on how far I have grown, how far I have matured, and validated how my wrong decisions made me a better person and how the right ones delivered me to becoming the person I am today.

People are crazy about new year’s resolution but I do not believe in  them. We do not wait for the beginning of the year to make epic and significant changes in who and what we are. We make conscious efforts throughout the year to make that change happen. So no, I won’t be listing any new year’s resolution like I used to and I would leave a commitment to find more time to write like I used to.

2016 has been a new beginning for me and I will welcome 2017 as a better person.

© cmnapa