Forgive Me

Forgive me
for failing you, for not listening to my heart,
and for giving you up.
Please understand that it was insanity taking the best of me.
Insanity that I have to endure
for being too alone,
after being away from you for far too long.

Forgive me
for changing you through the pain i caused.
It was me who should be blamed
for your coldness and apathy.

Forgive me
for destroying myself, for almost taking my life,
and for giving up.
It was my guilt and regrets gnawing at me
after realizing how much I lost,
how much I love you,
how much you make me happy,
and how much love I have taken for granted.

Forgive me
for rushing things and closing doors.
It was my desire to hurt you
after seeing happy smiles painted on her lips,
after seeing how close you held her,
knowing you won and I am holding on to the losing end.

Forgive me
for still loving you after all these years.
It is now me, being honest to myself.
It is me finally chasing that one thing,
one person who will make me happy.

Forgive me
for wanting something I never could have
and for expecting too much.
It was for misinterpreting
the way your kisses taste,
the way you held me close,
and the way you looked into my eyes, boring into my soul.

Forgive me
for refusing to let you go this time.
Please understand that I am tired
of listening to what people thinks is best for me;
and because I want to hold on
to what I FEEL is right.

Forgive me
for too much love and too much tenderness.
Trust me, I tried to hate you.
God knows how hard I did.
But just one smile, one look in your eyes,
all hatred fades away.

Forgive me
for this painful poetry.
This is the only way my heart can be free.
Free from pains, free from guilt
-even temporarily.

Forgive me
for going back to the day I first lost you.
It is my desire to self-destruct,
knowing that I won’t have you,
I won’t have the only thing that is real.
It is just my darker side swallowing the girl you used to know.

Forgive me,
I am sorry,
for this drama, for my lunacy.
I was made to love you, I know that,
although we are destined not to be together.

If one day, death takes me,
and fate decides on my doom.
It will be the day I would stop hoping,
stop trusting,
stop believing…
It would be the day I would stop loving you.

If that comes,
Please, forgive me…

© CMN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To a love I once found, taken for granted and lost – found again and lost once more…